Tennis etc. again...

Hurrah! Fly-Trap is out. The Serene One remains, but at least will not be an all Williams sisters final. Need someone else to have a bash at winning. Reminds me of triumphant reign of Mr Samprass, who whilst a genius, became a bit boring to watch, as never lost, just kept power serving ad nauseum. Plucky little Chinese lady did best against The Serene One, but wasn't up to it.

Back considerably improved today, drove gingerly down to doctors surgery to collect Two's Huge Bag of Medication for his myriad ailments. Shopped a little in local shops, as Not Quite Ready for longer drive. Do not want to tweak something and go back to square one.

Two's nocturnal vocalisations becoming ever more peculiar. Giant Snort, already in repertoire on regular basis. Strange words repeated over and over again becoming more prevalent. Latest is, 'samovar-samovar-samovar-', on and on and on in long-drawn out sibilent manner. Is samovar name of long lost lover I wonder? Unlikely, but you never know, as is said with some degree of yearning. Alternatively, is Two descended from Russian aristocracy, and calling for tea? Could be. He certainly swills enough of the stuff on daily basis.

Have heard from Son and Heir today, who is acquiring sat TV for his home near Geneva, which will enable him to watch the football and my daughter-in-law to watch talent shows, (with which I heartily concur). He didn't mention the W.C. (world cup), as probably too grief stricken to Bring This Up. I see our glorious team snuck back into the country via a back door at Heathrow Airport, looking suitably Glum. As well they might.

Have received (from friend in Berkshire) very peculiar little book based on true events in village where we live. These events happened just before and after World War 2, and are bizarre in the extreme. So is the book, is strange combination of
historical fact and Extremely Purple Prose in manner of Mills and Boon. Devoured it in one sitting, mostly with mouth open. Can honestly say have never read anything like it. Hope the author never reads this (unlikely), but I was reduced to much mirth, and even read some of the most deathless prose out loud to Two. Is a bit lost on him actually.

Tennis etc

Same day, update. Am watching the tennis. Fly-Trap and the Serene One both won their matches. Very dispiriting, thought Maria Sharapova was going to Cause Major Upset. Henin is out. Very dispiriting. Thought she could take on Fly-Trap or the Serene One and possibly Cause Major Upset. However, Murray is currently ahead against Sam Querry, so light at end of tunnel. Probably train coming other way. Very dispiriting.

Am Back

Yes, am back. Back being operative word. Two weeks or so ago, I woke up, yawned, stretched, and PING! My Back Had Gone Again. It has been doing this intermittently since I ruptured a disc some years ago while heaving large plant pot across kitchen. Has been very painful, and have Been Laid Low. Rest seems only way to cure, so have been resting, which has become very boring. Luckily was able to watch tennis and world-cup, both of which unfortunately induce tension. Ingerland were abysmal last night, shall ceremoniously destroy alice-band with england flags attached, and bought in moment of supreme optimism, (prior to Back Going Again). I imagine that Andy Murray felt frisson of terror as realisation dawned he is once again Our Only Hope. He is playing later today, so am anticipating further tension, but shall try to remain philosophical.

Two continues to Be Cause of Concern. Is possibly Up To Something, may have to start separate Blog to Lift Veil of Secrecy. On other hand, may have Nipped His Activities in the Bud, by dint of confronting him about various suspicious activites. So will maintain Veil of Secrecy for time being.

Eldest daughter coming over from Paris with grandsons soon, so will be going down South to stay for a week, and then we all return up here for further week. Hope back completely better by then, as have to play football, tennis, What's the time Mr Wolf etc. with grandsons. Need to be fairly nimble for all of the above.

Two has been making ever more alarming noises in sleep. Sudden volcanic snortlings are not best thing in world for me, trying to lie still in one comfortable position as I am. Had to get up at 5.30 am yesterday due to repeated loud exhalations of 'Slobberdobberwhoosh, slobberdobberwhoosh', which is new variant on nocturnal vocalisations.

The Archers through a bathroom, soapily

Bugger. Have just managed to lose Blog, have to begin again!

Is Sunday morning, and have just been listening to The Archers whilst lying in bath, courtesy of Next Door Neighbours. I have known for some time they are avid Radio 4 fans, but hadn't realised I can hear every word from our bathroom. Is quite good really. The Incredibly Lofty One next door has still not responded to my ancient invitation to Pop Round For A Drink. Given the accoustics in bathroom, praps we could have drinks in own bathrooms and do social chit-chat through wall. Might work.

Last night at pub was very very busy. Watched football on inside screen, as too crowded in garden. Entertainers arrived and had to wait for match to finish before setting up. Ghastly moment when goalkeeper dropped ball and USA scored, huge groan from everyone. Came home early as felt a little unwell. Am also having problem with Old Man with Two New Knees and Hip. Contributed to general queasiness. Cannot write about this at moment. Ugggh!!!

Elvis has not left the building

Yes- was Elvis at pub on Friday night. Evidenced by trailer parked outside with huge photographs advertising himself. Sadly, once again, not many people came to see him. Two and I sat waiting for the Bounding Into View of a black leather clad Elvis, (going on previous experience), with Two facing away from strobe lights in case triggered epileptic fit. (Never has). Thankfully. Suddenly glimpsed black head moving through bar area, thus debunking theory he climbed in through window. Frantic and extremely loud build-up reached ear-drum perforating crescendo, and Elvis sprang into view, black leather clad (as expected), and bursting into first medley, whilst pretending to play guitar. I must say, given the very sparse audience, (again more people outside pub than in), I have to admire the professional manner in which Mr Presley went through his sets. From black leather start to crimson jewel encrusted finish, he gave it his all. Attention to detail included dazzling ring for Las Vegas set. A few of us, (there were only a few of us), got up and danced. including vivacious lady on crutches, who I later discovered had contracted polio when a child. She invited Two to jive, and as he whirled round, caught him a glancing blow on the mouth with one of her crutches. Poor Two, but he took it well, as crutches made of light aluminium, so didn't take out front teeth. At end of evening, Elaine, (Barmaid of The Decade), me, and a couple of other ladies, got up and formed a chain to give Elvis a vote of thanks, by dint of swaying side to side and screeching back the chorus of 'The Wonder of You'. I think he liked it.

Home with ringing ears, and Two suffering slight deafness again. Is very loud must
admit.

Note to self. Do not drink one pint lager again. Spent all night getting up to pee.

The Birds

Is Friday morning, and has stopped raining. I think. Two is hovering by the window, occasionally brandishing a tea-towel frantically at the starlings, who arrive every day mob-handed. He doesn't mind feeding the birds, but feels that the starlings are Taking Advantage, and ousting other less vociferous species. He is endeavouring to create a starling proof fat-ball, because they are preventing the other birds from gaining a foothold. I suggest he puts up a notice 'Only One Starling At A Time', as shopkeeper do for schoolchildren who arrive in large numbers and cause trouble. Interspersed with wild flapping of tea-towel, Two is also banging on the window every time a pigeon appears. These are also causing problems, i.e. eating everything on the bird-table. A further project to pigeon-proof the bird-table has been occupying his mind for some time now. He has purchased large quantities of curtain-rail, screws, string etc. and is more or less permanently trying to devise cunning plan to prevent pigeons gaining access to bird-table. As pigeons are mostly those belonging to Farmer Next Door, I am very worried that one will break a leg, or get stuck in the Great Pigeon Proofing Device, and we shall( sorry- He will) have to explain to Farmer what has happened. I wash my hands of the whole affair.

Am thoroughly enjoying being on Wireless! All went swimmingly well, am now free to roam the house (and yard) with Flamingo Pink Lap-Top. Is liberating. Was so pleased and impressed with how easily transition went, as was pessimistic about Two's capabilities in this department. But- instructions from BT were fool-proof, and eureka!!!

World Cup Fever once again gripping nation, with possible exception of Two, who isn't really bothered, but will pretend to be when Eng-a-land play. Large screen being erected in pub garden for first Eng-a-land match on Saturday night. This guarantees rain of course. Tonight- Friday- is singer, who I cannot remember, although has apparently Been There Before. Am hopeful is Elvis as promised, but not sure. Will keep you posted.

Apparently Andy Murray Stormed Off Court at Queens in huff yesterday, after play suspended due to bad light. Shall tune in this afternoon to see if returns In Huff.

Il pleut.

Is Wednesday and has been raining on and off since, Sunday I think. Am watching tennis at Queens, Raffa is playing, but rain also threatening there.

Two is preoccupied with finding out the name of the track playing at beginning of Father and Son, new series on ITV. Is going through all his Johnny Cash CDs looking for it, in obsessive fashion. I have looked on Google and think I found it, but Two remains unconvinced. Will hear it again tonight, as series in 4 parts, and hopefully Two will be able to identify track. Hope so, or tomorrow will be another Johnny Cash Fest.

Have just eaten cornetto, which is delicious. Am still checking progress of my Rap on Youtube, and has reached 89 views! Am very pleased, but would still like to 'go viral' as they say. Am seriously considering writing anthem for England World Cup Squad, but cannot think of tune that isn't copyrighted. Need something catchy, and Greensleeves, (must be out of copyright as Henry V111 wrote it), doesn't quite fit the bill. Am stumped therefore. Have written out names of squad, maybe a list type song would work? If only can think of rhyme for Lampard, to name just one.

Is quite depressingly grey outside, and mood is quite glum. Think will have another cornetto.

Saturday Night, Sunday Morning

As previously mentioned, went to see The Big Bopper (resplendent again in ocelot jacket and matching shoes) at pub. Not many people there, which was a surprise, as Vicky Lambert was also performing, and she is a very good singer. There were in fact more people sitting outside than were in the bar, as was a very warm evening. However, undeterred the Big Bopper started his set to a largely empty pub, which must be quite dispiriting to say the least. I found myself sitting adjacent to an old gentleman with wild white hair, and incomprehensible speech. I gleaned after many, 'sorry I didn't quite catch that' remarks, that he had two new knees and a replacement hip, which explained the two sticks leaning against the wall. Every time he visited the loo, he would rock past, legs akimbo, in most unsteady fashion, leaving me wondering how on earth he managed once he reached his destination. Decided best not to dwell on this. Two began the evening with pint of lager, I think he intended to go for a personal best by exceeding the three pints he downed last Saturday. The Big Bopper Bopped on relentlessly to sparse applause, which had the effect of making me clap as hard as possible to create the illusion of More People. There were still more people outside than in, and a cuckoo was calling mockingly from the woods somewhere. Vicky was doing the second set, and she announced it might be an idea to sing outside as there were more people there .......etc.etc.

To my horror, Very Old Gentleman with Replacement Knees and Hip, suddenly leaned forward and asked if he could buy me and Two a drink. I demurred, but he was extremely insistent, and thrust a ten pound note at me. Two was outside having a fag, so when he returned he discovered his pint had been topped up, and I was nursing another white wine spritzer. A little later, Replacement Knees and Hip grabbed my hand and started kissing it fervently, to the obvious amusement of those at the bar. Not wishing to appear churlish, I put up with this for a moment or two, and then pulled my hand away. Two was completely unaware of all this, until eventually, after Replacement Knees and Hips Kept On Grabbing My Hand, someone pointed out that I needed rescuing. Two, who spends his life Not Noticing Anything, found it all very amusing, but did absolutely nothing to help me out. Eventually I was forced to retreat outside, where lightning was flashing ominously somewhere over Nottingham.

Thankfully, taxi arrived to whisk R.K.and H. away, and rest of evening passed off pleasantly. Vicky was in fine voice as always, and gradually a few more punters arrived. (The late Crew). Two sank about three and half pints, so achieved a P.B. but on return home ws curiously subdued, unlike last week when he was positively merry. Sank into coma like condition in chair, and seemed incapable of conversation.

Sunday morning, and Two was up early, said he had headache, but otherwise seemed okay. Went to supermarket, then came home and watched Nadal win French Open in blazing exhibition of clay-court genius.

Is Monday morning, and am typing this and waiting for arrival of Hub from BT, which means I am Going Wireless! Am not hopeful this will go smoothly, as Two seems a little unsure about how to set it all up. Watch this space.

Is Saturday again- hurrah!!!

Back again after minor lapse. Have been glued to the French Open, watching Federer crash out and Fly-Trap and Sister also out of singles. Am glad. Need New Blood in the ladies singles. Hope the Aussie wins this afternoon, make a pleasant change.

Last weekend at pub bit hazy in mind now, but remember Irish Folk Singer on Sunday night, because pub was crammed to rafters. He was very very good, and we were entertained until gone 1 am. Even Two enjoyed it, especially as the songs and jokes grew considerably more risque as evening wore on.

Tonight is The Big Bopper and singer Vicky Lambert, who is excellent. Am looking forward to this very much, as Good Value. Big Bopper will no doubt be sporting ocelot jacket even in these temperatures, ditto crepe soled shoes. Await with interest level of perspiration, as in keeping with name does Bop Biggly, and is not exactly svelte. Hope I get a chance to dance, as do enjoy leaping about. Is very good exercise also.

Car failed MOT this week due to faulty handbrake, and is now fixed, and bank account reduced by considerable amount. Two is itching again, and has this morning decided is Down To Milk. So no cereal for breakfast, (we have been here before), and the only plus side for me is that I can presumably eat the remainder of the Fresh Cream Cake I bought yesterday.

Somebody (my son I suspect) has posted a comment on my last blog, hinting that the content was a little parsimonious. In this I concur, but Have Had A Lot On My Mind. Am still watching Two Like a Hawk, as am positive Is Up To No Good. Last weekend he actually downed 3 pints of lager, unheard of ever since I have known him. He was majorly tiddly, and All Over The Place. Spent all last Sunday flat out on settee recovering. Seeing as the average drinker in the pub (men that is), are swilling about ten pints down each, Two is still something of a lightweight. Maybe he is making an attempt to Be One of The Boys. No. Surely Not. No no no. Is obviously hiding something. Will Keep Beady Eye on Him.

Son, daughter-in-law, youngest daughter and The Feckless One, plus aristocratic friend, are all off to The Highlands this weekend, to stay in cottage, fish, and generally do Outdoorsy Things. Hope weather is okay.

Am signing off now to check progress of Rap on Youtube. Is doing quite well, but cannot however bring self to watch it, as am too embarrassed.

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