Another Hair Related Malfunction

Hairdryer exploded last night, leaving self with perkily dry fringe and the remaining locks sopping wet. Was off to pub, so this constituted Major Catastrophe. Attempted to Put Hair Up with aid of vicious toothed clip, which produced thin hank of hair dangling in forlorn manner from back of head. Also perforated scalp with vicious toothed clip. One hour and many expletives later, decided to tie hair at nape, and Hope For The Best. Was not my finest hour.

Alas poor Elvis, I knew him well

Word at the pub that Elvis the cockerel has met Untimely End. His brief sojourn in the car-park is over, and his erstwhile owner Bob the Farmer is being tight-lipped on subject. We who live in close proximity to pub are in mourning. He was an indefatigable crower, and the silence is, well, silent.
Is sad.

Geoff, the chap who spends every waking moment building massive extension and other embellishments to his property, pitched up at pub last night on bicycle, with male friend (also on bicycle) in tow. Geoff's house, jocularly known as Geoff's Folly, is a Work In Progress, as I have mentioned in previous blog. It is His Life's Work, and there are many jokes about parapets, flying buttresses, ramparts etc. Last night he announced intention of incorporating gargoyle at gable end, fashioned to resemble our favourite grumpy barmaid, the wonderfully cantankerous Elaine. I am sure she will be delighted. After imbibing several pints, Geoff and friend donned caps with torches on elastic round them, and in delightfully eccentric Heath Robinson mode ,wobbled off into the night. They were splendidly lit at the front, but had no rear lights whatsoever. I can only hope they made it home safely down the unlit, meandering country roads.

Just have to mention have scored small victory over Two in matter of Should Bananas be Kept in Fridge. Two argued that bananas are shipped in refrigerated containers and should therefore be Fine In Fridge. I demurred. He insisted. Next day he admitted sheepishly They Had Gone Black.
I rest my case as they say.

Only other item of mild interest, we have new loo seat. Old one was perilously unstable.
Is not wildly important in Great Scheme of Things, but a comfort nevertheless, as have no wish to be catapaulted off loo, hit head on bath, and suffer mild concussion.

Hair malfunction and sundry items

Firstly, let me express remorse for current Failure to Blog on regular basis. Have just received e-mail from daughter-in-law in France, gently castigating me for sporadic blogging. Is true. Also failed to cover Royal Weddinng, which was Most Uplifting and Beautiful Occasion. Am sorry for this oversight. However, do not think Painting Pompier has taken offence at blog singing praises of his spritely Mother and Aunt. Doubt if Painting Pompier would have ever found blog.

Will now mention yesterdays Great Hair Malfunction. Thought would try bit of retro hairdressing in manner of 1960's, and gave self shampoo and set. With assorted pink rollers of the small and spongey variety. Spent day in state of High Excitement waiting for The Big Reveal when rollers could be removed to reveal myriad gentle, glossy waves falling in manner of mane to shoulders. Sadly and some might say inevitably, found self staring in mirror in horror, as great many chipolata sausages sprang from head in merry disorder. Looked disturbingly like Charles the First in full periwinkle wig. Frantic brushing only made matters worse. This was Big Hair with a vengeance, and then some. Note to self. Curly Hair Does Not Suit. Never Has. Never Will. Have consigned pink rollers to rubbish bin lest feel desire to experiment again. Have decided to attempt Sleek Chignon. Might reduce jowels if hair pulled tightly back. Hmm.

House Painted etc

Yes, our friendly ex-fireman and his wife have completed the job, and my little house has been transformed. Now has pristine cream walls with green window-sills, pipes, etc. Looks positively jaunty. If only farmer next door would follow suit, our row of three would look very dashing. Sadly his cottage is murky grey and he is mourning loss of two pigeons, taken by sparrow hawk. Feel outside decor not a priority.

Two has been a bit glum recently. Is, I think, bored. Hardly surprising as tends to spend days watching TV or hunched over laptop concocting ever more complex spreadsheets for horse racing odds. Is however planning expedition to B & Q to purchase new loo seat, which will at least Get Him Out of the House.

Am off to Paris soon on Eurostar to visit daughter and grandsons. Apparently 3 year old has forgotten me, so need to be reinstated in role as Nana from England.

Blonde Bombshells Alert

Have just been talking to Kevin, who is painting outside of house, with his wife! Admirable! But not as admirable as his 84 year old mother Gloria, and her 82 year old sister Iris, who are apparently twin blonde bombshells, attracting much attention from opposite sex by dint of their glamour, style and Big Hair. Iris, it transpires was banned from the Conservative Club in her late sixties, due to men fighting over her in the car-park. Literally fighting. What a wonderful pair of old ladies. I gather they are at present staying together here in Derbyshire, and venturing out dressed up to the nines, giving the old boys heart attacks. I salute them. Blonde hair, gold jewellery and all. Living life to the full. I would love to be banned from the Conservative Club because men were fighting over me. How much more life-enhancing than Crown Green Bowls, or a little sedate tea-dancing. Absolutely. Think will Go Blonde and Join In.

Here's to Gloria, Iris and their refusal to Give In. Here's to their enormous Joie de Vivre. Long may they giggle together.

A Little Light Globe Trotting

Am back blogging with mind blogging news! Flew to Switzerland with daughter and The Feckless One, to surprise son on occasion of his 40th birthday. Flew out Monday, flew back Wednesday. Feel like have joined jet-set in manner of speaking. Absolutely hate flying, but Gritted Teeth and did it. Was more than worth effort, as son was delighted and indeed very surprised to see Mother, Sister and Feckless One advancing across his sunny back garden, laden with gifts and much bonhomie. Splendid time had by all, and auspicious birthday marked in wonderful way. Daughter-in-law mightily relieved plan had come to fruition after telling many white lies to achieve necessary secrecy. Hurrah!!! Must mention was very impressed with Swiss Air. Cabin crew definitely Cut Above the no frills airlines, and Captain's voice both calm and reassuring from cockpit. Daughter and I share High Level of Nervousness in aeroplanes, and both of us have ears pricked for any slight deviation in noise of jet engines throughout flight. Both detected slight deviation whilst Cruising At Altitude, which drove me to ask for soothing glass white wine on return leg. Was fumbling in purse to pay for calming libation, but smiling steward informed me, 'Is on the house', or 'Is on the chalet'. Wunderbar! Took ages to land at Heathrow and was subjected to several stomach churning views of English countryside from various natty angles. Ears straining to hear comforting sound of landing gear locking, I shut eyes and prayed for deliverance, i.e. sound of wheels bumping gently onto runway. Was not helped by sight of hitherto Very Confident Flier (young man in seat opposite), casually adopting crash position as we came in to land. Wish could achieve studied nonchalance of seasoned flier. Would so enjoy take-off (great roar and thrust etc.etc.) but is always tempered by Fear of Flaps. Are they in correct position for maximum lift? Is airspeed sufficient? Has Captain had row with wife? Ah well, have now flown about 18 times, and things haven't improved. Would dearly love to visit USA, but probably have to travel by ship. This would also induce a degree of nervousness, and might well spend entire voyage loitering by Muster Station. Should never have watched The Poisedon thingy film. Would not want to Turn Turtle.

Back home have discovered Two has been hiding packets of Cafe Noir biscuits from me. Saw him nibbling one surreptitiously and when remarked on it, he sheepishly admitted to having two packets in Places of Concealment. Well honestly.

Today local retired fireman and lady wife are arriving to paint outside of house. Only found this out yesterday when he phoned to say was starting job today. Asked if anyone would be in, or should they bring flasks. Deduce from this that Many Cups of Tea will be required. Doubt however if the Cafe Noir will be putting in an appearance. Can't find them.