Disquieting Discovery

Short but possibly highly pertinent news. Have had great weekend, pub was brilliant! This not the highly pertinent news. No, time may be approaching when Need To Lift Veil on Two and his past indiscretions. His mobile has bleeped with message which is extremely suspect. Am very worried, but keeping own counsel for moment.

Roland Garros and il pleut-

Is Thursday I think. I am typing this in for the second time, as accidentally pressed wrong button and lost it. Second time today, did same on e-mail from daughter-in-law near Geneva. Two has been itching again and scratching madly in the night. Can now add rasping noises to giant snortles. Is probably Grounds For Divorce.

It is alternatively cloudy and sunny today, but not as bad as Paris, where it has apparently been pleuring all day nearly. I know this because not only am I watching the French Open and eagerly awaiting return of Murray onto court, but have had phone call from eldest daughter who lives there, and could hear the rain lashing down.

Watched match yesterday between two women, a Russian and a German. This consisted mainly of Oom Pa, Ouf, Oom Pa. Ouf, as they hit the ball backwards and forwards. Find this disconcerting. I think the German girl was oom-pa, and the Russian was ouf. Ouf won by the way.

Forgot to mention in pub on Saturday night, when Howling Wolf shook my hand so fervently on my departure, he announced to the pub, 'You are a Lady, yes you are. And you know you are'. Little I could say to this, so I smiled in what I hoped was a gracious fashion, and moved in ladylike fashion towards door. Will be difficult to live up to I feel. Must practise behaving in decorous manner. May buy pair of white gloves, and brush up on received pronounciation.

Aha, il ne pleut pas en Paris. Tennis is back, Murray on next. Shall return to sofa and sit in ladylike fashion, ankles neatly crossed, little finger crooked, and wait for Wee Scot to emerge.

Au revoir.

Lost for Words (nearly)

For once I am quite literally struggling for adjectives. I refer to the karaoke on Saturday night at pub. Hardly anyone there, but I imagine those that turned up were frustrated singers. Well, not singers actually. Howlers and the tone deaf. Two was reduced to gibbering wreck, quite unable to control his merriment as we were subjected to two elderly gentlemen taking it in turns to murder various well-known songs. And I do mean murder. One gentleman who was imbibing large amounts of alcohol, was howling into the microphone, holding his notes (the wrong ones), for increasingly elongated periods of time, eyes closed, presumably in ecstacy. The other gentleman, who put his name down for a large number of songs, sang? very quietly and impressively flat. After each performance he nipped outside to sit on the bench with his pint, reappearing with alacrity each time his name was called out. It was all very very funny. Two actually said he thoroughly enjoyed himself, hadn't laughed so much for years. He had to go outside a couple of times because his shoulders were shaking so much, and tears were streaming down his face. I managed to behave with a bit more decorum, but Two kept popping into view in the window, convulsed with laughter, which set me off as well. Funny thing karaoke, bit like the X Factor in some ways. I mean, do these people really believe they can sing?

Eventually a party came in with More Experienced Karaoke Singers, two of whom gave us amazingly good performances. This did not however deter Howling Wolf and Impressively Flat, who continued to serenade us ad nauseum. Think will practise singing a bit, cannot possibly be any worse. Two said he might have a go, if he knew any songs. Hmmm. Anyway, good night out, but bit tired having been out Friday night as well.

Am running on to Sunday morning now, as noteworthy event occurred. Was sitting in living room with Two, riveted by the news of Fergie's latest indiscretion, when bird suddenly flew past me and landed on top of curtain rail. Was Great Tit! Back door was wide open as very hot day again, and in he flew. Two immediately took charge, being much in tune with Our Feathered Friends. Great Tit took off and flew into window with bang, then blundered back to curtain rail. I suggested with draw the curtains to avoid recurrence of this, and then Two insisted I leave the room as He Would Deal With It. He seemed to think the bird was one that had become particularly friendly. Tame almost. I was intrigued, had the Great Tit popped in for coffee and a chat with Two? To discuss the contents of the bird-table in detail? I disappeared upstairs to await developments. Surely Two's expertise would triumph. Nothing happened. I went back down to discover Two had laid a trail of peanuts towards the exits, namely the back and front doors. Great-Tit remained like statue, now on top of my precious Art Deco mirror. Apparently he had taken off again and landed on top of my polished table, where Two described him as Scrabbling For A Foothold. Horrified at possibility of scratches on polished surface, I stared at Great Tit, willing him to take off and fly back outside as soon as possible. After an age, the bird suddenly took flight and landed on top of the open front door. He hesitated here, (completely ignoring the trail of peanuts), and then to my relief, flew out and away. Two picked up the peanuts, (of which there were many). Came very close to calling Two a Great Tit, but restrained myself.

Phew what a scorcher

Is Saturday, is boiling hot, and am coated liberally in Factor 50 in order to sit in backyard. Am also sporting huge sun-hut and sundress purchased in Majorca two years ago. Is too hot for sit out for long, so have retreated to do blog.

Went to pub last night as Linda (landlady) said one of my favourite singers was on. Sadly not Elvis, but Shane Stevens, still very very good. Sings mostly songs I know, and Puts Everything Into It. Elaine, our hilarious barmaid (huge asset to pub) has returned from holiday in Turkey, and resumed her banter with Trevor. Trevor, you may recall is my jiving partner, and a real live-wire. He dances slowly with Elaine when she emerges from behind the bar, and then accuses her of trying to pick his pocket. Is very entertaining as always. Large group of females (mixed ages) are taking up entire corner of pub, celebrating somebodys birthday. The younger ones are getting very drunk and extremely loud. They eventually ended up dancing on the tables! Literally. Shows how old I am getting, my first thought was, 'how dangerous'. Gulp.

Suddenly Trevor held his hand out to me, inviting me to trip the light fantastic. Was a very fast rock'n'roll track, and although I was more steady on my feet, (flat shoes), I was severely out of breath when it finished. Feel we are establishing more of a rapport now, or as Trevor put it, 'I don't miss your hand so often when you twizzle round'.

Is karaoke tonight, mand Two is Not Keen. I shall endeavour to winkle him out of the house at around 9.30 nevertheless.

Forecast for tomorrow is Even Hotter, which is quite amazing for May. Luckily have vast quantities of factor 50 suncream lying about.

Two is hot on the trail

Is one-thirty in afternoon, and Two is now worrying he may in fact be allergic to dust-mites, or possibly, milk. Has downloaded huge article on allergies, and is as I speak, pouring over it. Am quite convinced will shortly announce is not wheat allergy after all, but dust-mites/milk. If dust-mites, does this mean will have to place Two in Bubble for rest of life, and roll him around everywhere? Is possible. If milk, are we now to be found in Soya Milk section of supermarket, or Goat Milk section? Or the vegan department? On balance, find Bubble more attractive proposition. Two probably best viewed through Bubble anyway. Am awaiting further possible allergies he is certain to find. Maybe allergic to me? Is this all building-up to something on the lines of, 'Have to move out, as proximity to me causing intense itching, and There Is Nothing Else For It'. As stated before, am always slightly suspicious of Two, for reasons over which I am still Drawing A Veil.

Does seem a bit extreme even for Two, but who knows? Watch this space.

Prancing about on Youtube and other stuff!

Got up early, and drew back curtains on SUNNY DAY!!! Worth a mention n'est pas? No rain for ages, so have to water backyard judiciously in evening. Takes forever as only have very small watering can. Cannot lift heavy one anyway, and have no outside tap.

Son and daughter-in-law have gone back to home near Geneva, and am missing them. Was great to have them here, wish visit could have been longer. Son had suggested I get dog to encourage walking, and probably has a point. Then I think of those winter mornings when the doorstep is a lump of ice, and shiver. Two says he will walk dog, but he seldom surfaces early, and anyway, suspect he will train animal to attack me on command. Particularly as he favours an alsation.

Now have Flamingo Pink Laptop, can put videos on movie-maker and upload to Youtube! Is great fun, although wince a bit when see self prancing about in black leggings to my rap. Now know what I look like when dancing in pub. Possibly why people encourage me to do so? Didn't go to pub last Saturday night, but will definitely go this weekend as is going to be hot, and hopefully lots of people will be there. Including my heroine Mrs Rosy Mateus. Slight problem with clothes in hot weather however, as do not wish to reveal ruched arms. Am going to do arm exercises with two tins baked beans, but am not too hopeful of dramatic improvement. Will just have to wear cardigan.

Have been forced to purchase new hoover, as old one worse than useless. Now have a Henry, which performed most excellently, didn't cut out, and picked up every particle of dirt. Am very impressed.

Two announced this morning he Was Itching Again in the night. This he supposes is due to his ahem, wheat allergy. I think he is neurotic. He has purchased a new mobile phone, a cheap one, (I checked), and has been trying to find suitable ring-tone. No-one ever rings him, so it all seems a tad pointless, but seems to make him happy.

Forget to record that one evening when son and daughter-in-law were here, daughter-in-law suddenly said, 'shush everyone, what was that? I thought I heard an owl'. We sat in silence, but heard nothing. Then Two breathed in, and emitted a low hoot from chest area. 'That's it', said daughter-in-law. Two inhaled again. Bit worrying to discover is doing owl impressions without realising it. Have to report, have since heard the genuine article whilst in bed. Really. Also can report heard cuckoo whilst at Ladybower Reservoir, and was suitably enchanted.

Bouncing Bombs etc.

Is quite early in morning, 7.49 to be precise, as indicated by Flamingo Pink Desk Top! Have just realised that Two, (who is snoring peacefully in bed), has turned off chimes on clock. This definite act of rebellion. Will Have Words when he surfaces.

Need to tell more about visit of son and daughter-in-law from near Geneva. I must say that their two dogs were extremely well behaved. No trouble at all, and this is very small cottage. One of them is quite old now, and spends a lot of time asleep, (bless), while the other, who resembles large black teddy bear, has boundless energy. We made another expedition, this time to the Ladybower Reservoir (of Dambusters fame), which isn't too far away. Took black teddy-bear, and left older doggie peacefully asleep in bedroom. It was a tad chilly, but the scenery around the reservoir very beautiful. Wandered around until eventually found footpath to see famous dam, which is actually on the Derwent Reservoir. Gazed in some awe at edifice, and tried to imagine enormous Lancaster bombers flying over it. Was used in Dambusters film as well as for practice runs for the actual raid back in 1942. Very impressive. Back home we elected to watch the film, (I'm a sucker for collecting war films), and sat misty eyed as Richard Todd as Guy Gibson, led the squadron into action. Were very impressed when shots of dam came up on screen, as Had Actually Been There earlier.

Have discovered to chagrin, that I have been extolling beauties of huge oak tree opposite cottage, only to be informed by son it is in fact a Sycamore. Son was bemused that I had got it so wrong. Was on point of obtaining name plate 'Oak Tree Cottage', which would have been a major faux pas. Cannot believe have failed to identify tree. I blame previous owner, who had net curtains decorated with oak leaves and acorns. Perhaps she too was Unable To Identify Trees. Thought I knew leaves of oak. Am mortified. Will buy book on trees and bone up on subject. In fact, son announced he hadn't seen a single oak tree since arriving in Derbyshire. Not one.

We paid visit to supermarket so they could stock up on Yorkshire Tea-Bags, Shampoo, and various items unobtainable (or wildly expensive) in France.

Daughter-in-law has set up my lap-top for me, (obviously, as am using it), and I am very impressed with speed at which it operates. Am on-line in wink of eye!

More later from Mrs New Dell in the Dales, Sycamore Cottage, Derbyshire.

A walk in the Woods

Yes I know I'm not Bill Bryson, but I can sort of empathsise with his experiences, walking the Appalachian Trail. (Have just realised style of blog much changed, no longer 'up early, drew back curtains, etc. etc. This probably due to fact, Now Have More To Say.)

Naturally I appreciate the woods in Derbyshire aren't anything like the wilderness our Bill encountered on his epic walk, but they are deep. Quite deep. A little bit deep. We set off one afternoon, son, daughter-in-law, youngest doggie, ( eldest doggie resting at home with Two), for a nice walk. Now my son can walk miles without apparently tiring. Ditto daughter-in-law. Not ditto me. Off down the High Peak Trail we went, and then moved sideways into uncharted territory, i.e. footpath in the woods. So far, so good. The woods were delightful, and I was pretty sure there would be no bears lurking hidden in the foliage, although I did spot a rabbit. My son was leaping energetically from rock to rock. My daughter-in-law was busy taking artistic photos through the leaves. I was keeping my eyes studiously on the ground, lest I stumble on twisted tree roots and fall tit over arse, occasioning visit to fracture clinic. We wandered what seemed to me quite a distance, and I kept thinking, 'but we have to cover this distance to get back to the car'. The further we travelled, the more I became aware of the return journey. Eventually I ventured to suggest we turn back. And we did. I did enjoy the walk enormously, just need perhaps to Build Up To Something Longer. Felt very virtuous though, and slept like proverbial log that night. As have observed before in these pages, Need To Get Fit. Oh yes.

My son observed that I am probably Fitter Than I Think. God, I certainly hope so. Is photo of me and son on walk, will post here if can figure out how to do this. Have many photos to post in fact, but not the know-how. However, feel can tackle anything on Flamingo Pink Lap Top. Will have to think up name for her. Hmmm.

More from Mrs New Dell in the Dales Diary

Wow! Still cannot believe have brand new flamingo pink lap-top of very own. Generous pressie from son and daughter-in-law near Geneva! Is amazing!

Have not blogged recently, but am back. Visit from son and daughter-in-law plus two pooches was great. We had a wonderful time, even though I went into Bed and Breakfast Mode every morning, flourishing teapot, milk jug, sugar bowl, toast rack and all. Was nice to sit at table en famille, instead of crouching in front of telly as Two and I tend to do. Where to start? Well, we went up to Heights of Abraham, (local attraction) and we went up on cable car. Of course, son and daughter-in-law seasoned cable car users living where they do, (Mont Blanc etc. etc.), and they were perfectly happy about going up. I was less than happy, but determined to Tweak the Nose of Terror and Do It. Never again! Perfectly safe I'm sure, but Oh My God. We lurched off, swinging side to side, and inched up the cable. Slowly. Then, horror of horrors we stopped. To Admire The View. I was now Truly Tweaking the Nose of Terror. Two and the others were gazing down into the gorge below with cried of admiration and amazement, while I took one look, gulped, and shut my eyes. For what seemed an eternity we dangled in space, while I became convinced the mechanism to winch us to the top had broken. Visions of climbing from one cable car to another in rescue attempt became more and more vivid. Or having to don a breeches buoy thingy and be lowered to the ground. Or a helicopter being brought in. Being on News at Ten. Headlines in papers. Rolling news on BBC News 24. '.....and now back to Derbyshire, where family of four are still trapped' etc etc. Suddenly a grinding noise started up, followed by a jolt, and we were creaking up to the top. Joy oh joy.

Sadly in need of stiff gin and tonic, discovered the only bar was shut, so settled for Strong Cup of Tea, as mouth very dry. We then decided to Go Down Into the Caves, and took a guided tour deep into the bowels of the earth into the old lead mine. Had absolutely no idea this was here. Honestly! First it's up, up, dangle, up, then it's down, down, stumble, down. Didn't mind the cave experience so much, rather interesting actually. Mind you, the 171 steps back to the surface proved a challenge, but glad to report I Made It. Son had few problems in low parts of cave as over six feet tall, but also emerged unscathed. Then spent some time nipping around the rocks with agility of very old mountain goat, in order to access best possible views. Beautiful indeed, but by now niggling fear of return journey in dangling glass bubble began to materiaise. I ventured to suggest that maybe I could walk down, but this suggestion elicited snorts of derision from Seasoned Cable Car Users. Even Two didn't seem to mind going on cable car, but then he doesn't have vertigo. Everything else in the medical dictionary, but not vertigo. Suppressing strong desire to whimper, I boarded the glass bubble again, and was horrified to note that the door wasn't shutting as we minced round ready for take-off. Visions of sliding out and landing splattered all over Derbyshire. It finally closed just before we were launched into space, but now a fresh set of fears re-surfaced. 'Maybe they won't stop for us to admire view' I quavered, as we jolted downwards. No sooner said, than done. We stopped. We dangled. I shut my eyes. I actually prayed. The others were commenting on various miniscule points of interest way way below. The cable car in front seemed perilously close. Suppose we slipped and bashed into them, causing domino effect and subsequent mad out of control descent accompanied by shrill screams and cries of woe? Still we dangled, swaying slightly. This is it, I thought. This time the engine thingy won't start. We Are Stuck. There has to be a first time. Plummeting to our doom was not the way I would have chosen to die. Messy. Suddenly, as before, the mechanism started up. Jolt, judder, and we were off down the cable. How strong was the bloody cable? Did frost and sub-zero temperatures weaken it? It had been an exceptionally cold winter. Would it in fact, snap? Judder, sway, jolt. I cautiously opened my eyes to discover, oh joy of joys, we were back at the beginning. Safe. Alive. I just about resisted the temptation to kiss lovely lovely terra firma in manner of Pope. Bit dramatic. Felt a bit silly in fact, as was fighting off Panic Attack whilst dangling.

Am quite exhausted after re-living this experience, so more later. Need to lie down in darkened room.

More later.

Mrs New in the DELL diary

Yeeha!!!

Am proud possessor of New Dell Laptop! Prezzie from son and daughter-in-law, from near Geneva. Yes her with the rechargeable cordless secateurs! Is wqonderful. I am free from ghastly desktop of jurassic period! Hooray.

More later.

Two is Losing The Plot

Back again, after weird few days. Went shopping with Two, who seemed to have much difficulty with Pay and Display Machine. He tried the first machine, and it appears he managed to extract a profit of £2.70 but no ticket from it. I was unaware of this as he gambolled past me on way to second machine to procure ticket. I must add that I saw another person successfully extract ticket from first machine where Two had failed. Two then came back into my line of vision, apparently on way to third ticket machine, having once again failed to extract ticket. (No profit this time). After what seemed an age, he hove into view once more, still ticketless. By this time I had obtained ticket with One Hour Remaining from kindly passing motorist. Was and still am flummoxed.

Have festooned back yard with many many solar lights, although sad to report am still waiting for Strawberry Fields Forever to deliver lights ordered some considerable time ago. Apparently are Having Trouble With Suppliers. Feel another negative feedback coming on if nothing materialises soon. After all, Have Paid.

Am waiting with considerable pleasurable anticipation for arrival of son and daughter-in-law tomorrow. Have set Two task of hoovering upstairs and cleaning bedroom window. Is better is occupied, otherwise tends to fall asleep. Weird occurrence number 2 relating to Two was this evening. I asked what he was having for supper, and he said, 'Chicken Pie, peas, and .............oh you know, those little round things'. He described circle in air. 'Um.....spuds.....garlic bread?' I replied, somewhat baffled. 'No no........oh God, what are they called, you know...,' and again he drew circles in the air. After a minute or two it transpired he was talking about Yorkshire Puddings. Hmmm. Is Two finally losing plot?

Must end now, as Two hoovering underneath me, and stool already unstable.

April Shower.

Is Bank Holiday Monday, (May), so Title May Seem Inappropriate, but had forgotten to record Tale Of Woe as predicted by Two. Yes The Wily One, running true to form, texted me when I was being Mr Wolf with alarming news that electric shower was broken. Absolutely Dead As A Dodo. Never do I receive positive news from Two, is always Doom Laden. Prospect of purchasing entire new shower unit as indicated by Two filled me with horror. So expensive. So much disruption. So much difficulty finding reliable tradesman. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Day after I arrived home, decided to Take Control of Shower Situation. Telephoned manufacturer of equipment and Very Nice Lady suggested take shower head off and see if water runs through hose. Two had disconnected electricity supply to shower in case of Death By Electrocution, so hastily switched back on and followed directions. Water ran through hose. Therefore, shower head blocked with mineral deposits of one kind and another. Swiftly I consulted Google and discovered soaking shower-head in common or garden household vinegar would prove highly effective. Two scoffed in manner of One Who Knows Better, but I insisted, and accordingly warmed up saucepan full of Sarsons Best. Smell was appalling, and Two hastily vacated kitchen clutching wad of tissue to nose. I ask you. This is the man who drenches himself in TCP, which has a very powerful odour, So bad I can taste it, and then claims he can't smell it.

Left shower head marinating for some time, re-attached it, and Voila!!! Shower Works. Am planning to repeat procedure with type of vinegar recommended, i.e. White Distilled instead of Brown for Chips variety. Am sure will prove even more effacacious, and result in Powerful Spouting.

Moral of this little tale. When Two says something is defunct, always Check Out Other Possibilities. I could go into the Tale of The Plunger, may indeed have done so in previous blog, but will restrain self.

More later.

Poetry in Motion

Excellent night out at pub. Bar-maid Elaine and Trevor's double-act reach new heights. After wrestling with ghastly Cleopatra style fringe, I manage to get ready and we set off to walk the 20 or so yards to the pub. Music is floating out, and we find the place is not exactly packed, but moderately full. Man with guitar is singing to backing tracks, but unfortunately is failing to engage the audience. Needs to play stuff we recognise, and does so intermittently, but like so many of these acts is prone to moments (nay- hours) of self-indulgence. He warbles some songs which even I, (as a dedicated fifties and sixties musicologist) have never heard before. Needs to get people singing along, but obviously can only do this if know the words. Eventually Elaine comes out from behind the bar and advances towards Trevor, who steps back in mock horror exclaiming, 'Poetry in Motion'. They proceed to slow dance together, with Elaine fluttering her eyelashes and gazing into Trevor's face in besotted fashion. Everyone is in stitches, and then Trevor, gazing back at Elaine, says, 'Your eyes are just like my ferrets', which produces a howl of laughter. They carry on in this fashion, and are very very funny. Sometimes I think they should be booked as a comedy cabaret, it all seems very spontaneous. He insults her, she responds in spades, and so it goes on. Honestly, you have to be there. Later on I had a jive with Trevor, which again was a little jerky, as I'm never sure which way he's sending me. Two is sitting yawning over his pint of Guiness, but is
laughing a lot at the banter in between yawns. Finally get home at around 1.30!

Must report on visit Down South to see eldest daughter, and grandsons. Took train from Derby as do not like driving on motorway. Was greeted with heart-warming enthusiasm by Gregory who is five and a half, and Louis, who is nearly three. The next day, took them to the local nursery school, and played tennis with Gregory, (well- bat and ball stuff), while Louis rampaged around the sand-pit. Haven't run around so much for years, and was obliged to eventually Call A Halt, as was in imminent danger of total collapse. Back at the house, the boys were insistent we should play running races in the garden, but I managed to persuade them that 'What's the Time Mr Wolf' would be more fun. I had an idea this would be less demanding on my feeble athletiscism, as I was certain to hold the post of Mr Wolf most of the time. Positioning myself at the top of the garden with my back to them, Gregory would call out 'What's the time Mr Wolf?' which Louis then echoed. I let them get really close, and then turned round with a mighty roar and chased them back down the garden. Of course this bit required some physical effort, but I never had a hope in hell of catching them, so gave up quite quickly. Later on, after requesting a Time-Out, I was sitting on the patio smoking a ciggie ( Iknow- I KNOW!!), and Louis approached me, transfixed by the smoke issuing from my nose and mouth. He stood spell-bound for a minute then said in a puzzled voice 'Why are you breathing fire Nana?' I immediately felt like Fire-Breathing Dragon, and was honestly stumped for an answer. Reflecting later, came to conclusion expression 'out of the mouths of babes and sucklings', remarkably sage observation. Sleeping arrangements at house somewhat difficult, so slept in same bed as grandsons. First night, slept in middle, but discovered Louis sleeps in totally abandoned fashion, flat on back with arms spread wide. Nudged ever nearer to the edge, Gregory fell out of bed twice, but manfully climbed back in without complaint. The next night I suggested I sleep on the outside, and spent the night hanging on for grim death to edge of bed. Although only short fall to floor, had feeling might Break Something if catapaulted out. Sometime in the night Gregory gave up the Fight For Space, and nobly re-positioned himself in sideways position, so managed to Get Through Night Unscathed. Mind you, having survived that, nearly broke neck at station on way home, as fell untidily over madly careering woman's suitcase whilst craning neck to read train departures board. Regret to report I screamed in dramatic fashion as felt self hurtling towards platform, which attracted quite a lot of attention. Mercifully fell onto Madly Careering Woman's suitcase, which was agreeably soft, so avoided Major Injury. Finally boarded train with Huge Sigh Of Relief, and proceeded homewards. Spent journey making promises to self to get fitter in order to be better Mr Wolf, and have more stamina for tennis, football, running games etc. etc. Fell asleep at prospect and came to as train reached Birmingham. Realised had probably been asleep with mouth open and Possibly Dribbling. Finally got home, tottered in, and early to bed, where I can report, Slept Like Log.

Have been remiss so quick blog before going out!

Had wonderful time with grandsons Down South. More of this in next blog. Have just spoken to son, who has arrived in UK, and is coming to see me next week. This is to say 'hello Robert and Heather', very much looking forward to seeing you! Am on the Custard Tart Trail already. Have spent today shifting furniture and plant pots. Two broke two of my solar lights. Am exceedingly miffed. EXCEEDINGLY. MIFFED. Burst into tears in fact. Must be my hormones, although not sure have any left. However Two redeemed himself by instantly (well almost), ordering replacements, so have put poker down. Off to pub later, hope more people there than last week.

Have bought John Frieda shampoo and conditioner as recommended by daughter-in-law. Am hopeful will emerge with mane of hair in manner of lion, instead of sparse dank locks am sporting at moment. Saw face in mirror near front door earlier (full unforgiving light), and can only say rejuvenating creams definitely not working.

So, am signing off now, short blog as am pressed for time. Hope you see this Robert, as do not wish to deprive you of pleasure of reading your Mother's Goings On.

More tomorrow. Au Revoir and Toodle Pip.