Am repeating self

Apologies for repeating tale of Two, The Great Itch, and new medication. Am obviously suffering short-term memory loss. Is not surprising.

Two has another prescription

Yes, believe it or not, Two has yet another free/gratis and improbably large tube of medication to relieve The Great Itch. Blood tests came back entirely normal, and doctor truly foxed. Today he is not itching. Think presence of large tube of cream has had psychological effect. Apparently all these embrocations he smears so liberally on himself, cause thinning of the skin. Will soon be completely transparent I suppose, which rather flies in face of personality traits.

Went to Buxton yesterday on own, and marvelled at beautiful scenery en route. Is in the High Peak District and was freezing cold, but has, wait for it, a WAITROSE. Road to Buxton apparently second most dangerous road in England, has high fatality rate for motor cyclists, as bendy in manner of race-track.

My Mum very poorly, so am going down South in next couple of days.

At the car-wash

Is Monday and Two has an appointment to see his long suffering doctor. Blood tests came back normal and guess what? We have another prescription for anti-itch cream. I shall be forced to move out soon in order to make room for the pharmacy which is steadily encroaching upon me. We then went to supermarket where I abandoned Two and his trolley as he stood clucking vacantly and trying to remember what was needed. Could see would probably throw myself to floor and scream if forced to watch Two's very slow mental processes grind into action. Repaired to car and smoked cigarette to calm self down. Waited a considerable time for Two, who reappeared and announced we needed to go to car-wash. Had to agree as headlamps sporting moss. Car-wash maintenance man was parked in front of us, but we got the green light to proceed. Sadly, we failed to get the red-light once inside car-wash, and Two was becoming very agitated. I baled out as this point leaving Two at the controls. Back and forth he shunted, teeth bared in frustration. Car wash maintenance man approached to assist and Two opened window to receive instructions. Eventually he was in position and I gesticulated to Close The Window. Two snarled something unrepeatable at me, and disappeared beneath giant green cotton wool bud. I almost hoped he had forgotten to close window. Two appeared and re-appeared several times from behind cataracts of water and whirling cotton wool buds. I must say he looked extremely glum, but emerged unscathed.

More shopping, and assorted news

Been shopping with Two who has developed a serious obsession with bed-linen. Bought himself new duvet and searched diligently for a yellow sheet in order to colour co-ordinate his bed. Mercifully yellow is not a colour favoured by sheet manufacturers, and I left him to it. Only tat left in sales, so came home empty-handed apart from 4 DVDs. Is now Sunday morning, very dark, windy, and heavy rainfall predicted for this afternoon. Ho hum. Went to pub last night, which was deserted apart from a few game old baby boomers doing the Shadows Walk to music from CD player. Very sad. Think pub possibly in trouble. No live entertainment Saturday night, and general air of Glumness. Thought briefly of offering services as Poet in Residence, but feel would not appeal to regulars. Two has to go to doctors tomorrow for blood test results. They are leaving no stone unturned to discover cause of Great Itch. Think Two possibly hypochondriac as spends ever more time at doctors collecting ever more prescriptions. Is at moment putting myriad medications into pill dispenser, which he quite enjoys.

Heard alarming story last night from Geoff who lives in large isolated house nearby. Had mouse in toaster, which had evidently been there for some time judging by amount of droppings in tray. Regretfully have to report that Geoff emptied tray of droppings and carried on using toaster. Felt slightly sick when told this. Note to self: should ever be invited to Geoff's house again, refuse any offer of hot buttered toast.

Wringing of the withers

Ah yes. I love a sad film. I really do. So it seems does Two. We were watching Out of Africa this afternoon (another Christmas pressie). Robert Redford, Meryl Streep the Weep, and 'I had a farm in Africa at the foot of the Ngombi Hills' ( I think those are the hills). I am stretched out on sofa nearest telly the better to focus, when at Particularly Poignant Moment, I hear snuffling from other sofa. Own eyes are pricking with tears, but have seen film many times and emotional compassion somewhat curbed. Snuffles continue from other sofa, followed by loud blowing of nose. As another character film bravely tells Redford 'my water has turned black', hear Two gulp. Has own water turned black? Character duly dies of said fever and I risk a look at Two, whose eyes are now swimming behind glasses. By end of film is positively blubbing. Can barely see to remove DVD. My mission going forward is therefore to locate weepiest movies available, and study Two in depth.

they shoot horses don't they?

Yes, title of blog reflects dance marathon at pub last Saturday. Two guitarists were playing, and they kept going without breaks until 1 a.m. Pub packed, and atmosphere similar to New Years Eve, even down to conga line appearing behind bar. Naturally I threw myself into the fray with scant regard for 65 years old body. Jived with huge enthusiasm and brio. Invented new and hitherto unseen twiddles, steps and pirouettes. Cannot resist the music. I fear the twist was a twiddle too far, as have had muscle pain all over body since then. Plus back is sending out sharp reminders on regular basis. Is possibly deeply affronted at liberties taken, as is doing its best to recover from previous injury when Fell Into The Void in bedroom.

Think East-Enders script writers have really lost the plot. Last night they attempted duologue between two minor female characters, which sounded like something from Little Britain. All this in middle of dire episode featuring funeral of baby. Is surreal.

Is Saturday

Is Saturday morning and Two is still deep in land of Nod, resplendent under new duvet of vivid turquoise with matching pillow. Was quite a shock when I went upstairs yesterday afternoon and discovered sea of turquoise on landing. (Two sleeps on landing on sofa bed). As predicted in previous blog, he asked me whether there was a clothing recycling bin in car-park. There is, and as I suspected, he is planning to donate large sections of his wardrobe to be recycled or (God forbid) sent to the Third World. Bobbly jumpers , Primark socks, gay chequered shirts and all. I imagine the Third World will probably send them back. I would.

More and more debate about controversial story-line in Very Gloomy Eastenders. Seems they may bring to an end, as is fuelling so much anger, although predictably there is no change in the ratings.

Am seriously considering purchase of Large Telescope and taking up star-gazing. Can probably do it from car-park, and rather fancy setting up tripod in professional manner, whirring telescope round in manner of Tank Commander in turret. May become astro-physicist in fact.

Two hits the sales

Update on activities pertaining to Two, as quite forgot to mention he went shopping yesterday, and evidently became over-excited in process. Returned home laden with a great many carrier-bags as Found Bargains Impossible To Resist. Thus we now have become overladen with duvet covers in various colours/designs, sheets and pillowcases. Storage space being problematical here, am wondering where in God's name am going to store said purchases. Has also purchased more shirts reminiscent of styles favoured by lumberjacks. Have decided need to monitor Two closely as is liable to throw away perfectly good bed linen already in service in favour of new purchases. Mercifully did not venture into Primark, as has absolutely no self control in this emporium, and will behave with reckless disregard to state of Disposable Income. I draw your attention to Bulging Sock Drawer, ditto Towering T-Shirt drawer, ditto A Great Many Cardigans festooned with bobbles. Forgot to mention Two also had head sharpened whilst out shopping. Usually looks like criminal after haircutting experience, but is not quite as severe as usual.

Gritters now going past at regular intervals, but according to weather forecast, is not going to last. Am now off to try and find homes for new bed linen, but am not optimistic.

New Years Eve etc

Saw in 2011 at pub. Was similar to being sardine in tin, but managed to dance with shoulders in as animated manner as possible. Youngest daughter managed to clear space to perform routine from Grease to considerable acclaim, and open-mouthed admiration from farming community. Two remained insitu for midnight, have vision of him being manipulated in manner of puppet by youngest daughter as song 'Reach for the Stars' was belting out. Was memorable sight. Was memorable evening all round, have been informed by landlady people were dancing in road. Was exhausted next day, but youngest daughter and self walked down to village, (very steep hill), and managed to return without me suffering cardiac arrest en route. This in order to Blow Away the Cobwebs. Afraid own cobwebs proved difficult to budge as spent most of return trek sitting on drystone walls, gasping and declaring intention of staying there until transport arrived. Is now 7th Jan and have woken up to snow. Probably time to press green wellies into service again, but will inevitably skitter about in manner of Bambi. Watched film The Fly (Christmas pressie), and was amused to observe Two shuddering fastidiously. Strange what offends him in view of...........(veil still drawn)

Home At Last

Have returned home with youngest daughter in time for New Years Eve celebration at pub. Am exhausted after two weeks in company of Sister Who Cleans obsessively. Is impossible to help as is Whirling Dervish and has impossibly high standards. Glasses, cups, plates etc. are whisked away, washed-up and returned to cupboards at speed of light. Bemused family members are wandering around looking for Drink They Put Down. Sister rarely relaxes, only identifiable as agitated blur whizzing past. Mum very frail now, and quite depressed I think. Is 94, and is remarkably alert mentally. Still finishes Telegraph Crossword every day. Was upset when I left, got very emotional, which is unlike her. Wish I lived nearer. Sister reportedly having endoscopy in near future as has ulcer, which will come as no surprise. Is burping for England. Also has gallstones. All in all, apart from Mum, Am Glad To Be Home.