Plumping Up

Have bought set of scales in order to monitor weight. Am still very underweight, 7 stones and 9 lbs to be precise. Should be, ahem, 9 stones at least. So, having googled 'How to put on Weight', and discovered need to eat food which is 'absorbed', and avoid coffee, cigarettes, stress etc etc. have realised stuffing down cream buns is not going to work. Well, it might eventually, but presumably might drop dead with heart attack in process. Eight stones is target at moment. Sadly am very fond of coffee and cigarettes. Stress unavoidable sometimes. Is not going to be easy.

Life at pub continues to intrigue. Many murky undercurrents. Not sure what is going on, but Something Is. If represents microcosm of life, is Very Worrying. Many knives sticking out of backs, plus secret assignations. Would make good soap.

Have decided to christen Trevor Three, for purposes of anonymity.

Hey Ho

Had lovely day yesterday. Me and Trev, (who's Trev? Where did he spring from?). Some of you will already know, so no further explanation required. Anyway, we visited his sister and her husband, then his brother and his wife, and had really great time. He has a very nice family. So have I of course. Am plucking up courage to address situation with Two. Keep opening mouth to discuss separating, then close mouth and Make Nice Cup Of Tea. Have no idea how Two will react. Am worried might Turn Nasty, but is probably due to my much famed default position, i.e. Jittery.

Have chance to visit Madeira this winter, via friend of Trev. Sounds good. Very good. Escape the endless snows that are sure to be visited upon us again. Only have to find £500 as is friend, plus air-fares, spending money of course. Think might be possible, but depends a lot on Trev getting more work, which is a bit hard to come by at the moment.

Busy Time

Have had lovely time with son, daughter-in-law and pooch, who were visiting from Geneva. They went on circular walk in Peak District, found by self in Saturday Telegraph supplement. According to article walk should take 3 to 4 hours, but they completed it in about 1 and a half hours. Apparently the route was fairly busy, mostly with other people clutching the Telegraph directions. Went out to dinner at local hostelry, entered raffle, and embarrassingly won nearly every prize. Ended up keeping rack of lamb and handing rest back. Have gone now, and house feels empty.

Went to pub Saturday night, was girl singer with rear-end size of small country. Have seen her before, and don't much like. Sings with fake American accent which renders the lyrics unrecognisable. Nobody danced much as songs were so mangled, but eventually as the alcohol took hold, a few couples ventured out. Notably during singer's innovative rendition of 'I had the time of my life' from Dirty Dancing, some guy recklessly tried the lift from film, and launched be-spectacled and equally squiffy girl-friend up into air and smacked her head on very low beam. Ouch!!! Have also heard report subsequently that girl singer asked female customer to assist disentangle her necklace, and made pass at her. All this rural depravity too much for self.