Two is Laid Low

Is lovely sunny Wednesday. Two is lying prone on sofa suffering (loudly) with bad back. He put it out yesterday morning, whilst apparently attempting some strange acrobatic feat in bathroom involving putting foot onto wash-basin. Balletic warm-up prior to swift jette and pirouette? No. In order to apply liberal coating Aqueous Cream. Better I feel to have utilised edge of bath, is considerably lower. Anyway, is reduced to near immobility, any attempt at movement elicits loud Squeal of Agony followed by many many expletives of the four letter variety. On bright side, now have Two At My Mercy. Am severely tempted to remind him of many times have put own back out, and accusations of Being A Drama Queen. He is continually bleating that he can't understand How It Happened, has not done anything unusual, indeed is regularly to be found with foot on wash-basin. The bathroom has attacked him twice now. Last week he threw away the shower cleaner (without prior consultation) claiming the residue had run down into shower tray and inflicted Extremely Large Red Pimples on feet. Well honestly. Have just purchased fresh supply shower cleaner which will hide and continue to use. Won't be able to shower for some time now anyway, as In Agony. I put his socks on today (fighting queasiness) as cannot reach feet, and can report absolutely no evidence of afore-mentioned pustules.