Haircut £7

Had haircut this morning which cost £7 as usual. Gone are the days of £100 at nefarious salons. Is just as good. Collected Two from Doctors surgery whence he had gone for consultation about The Great Itch. Has been itching on and off for years, clawing at self in night. Bag of medication has now reached mind-boggling proportions. Two never so happy as when surrounded by potions, lotions and myriad pills. I fear he may become one of the NHS cuts. Went to Sainsburys and found Much Panic Buying in progress, as More Snow Predicted. Having experienced the trauma of The Last Teabag, can understand why people are stocking up. Have now decided to journey down South via Banbury and High Wycombe, cannot face crossing London. Bought new flannel as sister appears to shower using hands only technique. Two is now crouched over his latest anti-itching medication avidly reading the leaflet. Is saying, 'dust-mite allergies' to self and is now eagerly swallowing the pill. He thinks it might even be hay-fever, which is highly unlikely in December. Aah, has moved onto Possible Side Effects, which are Very Alarming. Too late, has swallowed pill. If puffs up, has fast heartbeat or goes bald overnight, we are to contact doctor immediately.