Eating for England

Is Thursday and quest to pile on the pounds continues. Have become thin in manner of matchstick woman and is not flattering. Legs are liable to snap and have developed revolting folds loose skin which need Plumping Out. Have consulted Google and appears avacado pears rich source fat (in a good way). Two returned from supermarket with glum news there are none to be found. Instead brought home vast quantities chocolate. Am valiantly stuffing self with high calorie foods and will probably have cardiac arrest as arteries under assault. Is tricky. Loss of weight probably stress related, so am telling self to Remain Calm and Not To Worry. Two as always impervious to stress, is showing signs of Beer Belly, which is odd given he doesn't drink beer. Could be build-up of haddock I suppose. My sister swears she sent me some paperwork relating to Mum's estate, but no sign of same yet. Have strong suspicion that sister in usual befuddled state has eaten envelope and posted her dinner to me. May sound bizarre, but highly probable. Am hoping is at least high in calories.