Am pondering on whether can sue cupboard door in kitchen, as launched unprovoked and vicious attack on self yesterday. Have lump on eyebrow to prove same. Was putting plates away and went to close door when it met sharply with head. Very sharply. Staggered about living room moaning expletives for some little while, before subsiding into chair and anxiously surveying damage in mirror. Small lump was already emerging. Lump still present this morning, but no bruising. Is possible Two has fixed powerful spring to door in order to Render Me Unconscious. Nearly succeeded.
On lighter note, have purchased bottle of Setting Lotion to use in conjunction with Very Large Indeed Rollers. Have in fact returned to days of Shampoo and Set. Will try it out later and report back. Am hopeful will emerge with Locked In Laughing Cavalier effect.
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