Diary date 13th March 2010

Another exciting night in store at pub, because it is a Country and Western singer. I reluctantly decide not to buy stetson and cowboy boots for the occasion, but am still secreting wads of tissues in my bag in event of Very Sad Songs. Once again Two is less than enthusiastic but nevertheless agrees to accompany me. With sense of deja vu I don the vertiginous heels and dig out frock with nice country neckline, i.e. very low indeed. Wish I had Dolly Parton's massive cleavage, but must content myself with Push-Up-Bra. Result is quite impressive valley between breasts, although most is due to Squeezing In Violently and Shoving Up Hard. Pub is nearly empty, which is unusual for Saturday night, and Country Singer proves to be aimiable old codger sporting black satin shirt festooned with guitars. Five of us wait with bated breath for the performance, which once again is abetted by overwhelmingly large sound system, and Two begins to look pained. The Country and Western Star proves to be a stranger to his purported genre, and sings a selection of pop songs whilst plucking ineffectually at his guitar to pounding backing tracks. Still, full marks for persistence, he wanders around, completely at ease, although sadly the expected hoardes fail to materialise. I can see Two wants to go home, but feel we can't leave and reduce the audience by almost half, so we sit it out. At one point the guy (whose name escapes me), plays The Sabre Dance, that well-known Country tune. I thought perhaps he had gone temporarily mad, but he recovers and carries on in same vein as before.

As the evening progresses, a few people drift in and things Liven Up. At midnight a small but jovial group are propping up the bar and singing along. By this time, Mr C & W is going extremely hoarse, but the alcohol fuelled group are shouting for more. It is evident he is on the point of Losing His Voice Completely and he Begs for Mercy. The small and jovial group however are having none of this, and he is forced to creak on. Eventually he informs us that We Are Cruel, sinks onto a chair holding his throat, and That is That. He is obviously close to point of total collapse. Back home I am only grateful that I didn't wear full country gear, as would be completely inappropriate. Retrieve unused tissues from bag and sympathise with Two, who is again shaking his head and complaining of Ringing In the Ears. Suggest utilises tissues to stuff in ears next time. Is Elvis Presley next week.