Diary date 25th March 2010

Still can't believe am on Youtube! Is amazing! Keep going in to look at it, seems incredible to one born in the age of steam radio!

Decided to parcel up Easter Eggs and gifts for grandsons in Paris, so went down to post-office and procured large put-it-together-yourself cardboard box. Hand this to Two, who has missed his vocation as a Wrapper and Packer. He uses the same methodical and careful procedure as when lighting fire, except the surgical gloves are not brought into play. He is a bit upset at the moment because the blackbird has temporarily vanished, and I wonder if it is something he said. After all, who knows what he tweeted, could have been insulting in blackbird. He begins to assemble the box with immense care and much crawling around on the carpet. He begins at 12.20 and finishes at 1.45. I fight to remain silent, as I cannot assemble box myself. The only time I attempted anything remotely practical, was when I bought a self-assembly set of shelves, and the result was hilarious. It had a pronounced list and had to be taken apart and re-jigged. But the box is ready to have the Easter Eggs, some clothes, a DVD and two small walkie talkies placed therein. Bubble wrap is brought into play, and Two then spends another 30 minutes juggling everything around, and then re-siting everything and shaking his head. I can see the post-office will be closed by the time it is ready to go, but still I manage to Keep Quiet. At last I am allowed to put the address on, and assume we can now pop out to post it. Alas no, the super-strength parcel tape is fetched, and several more minutes spent assiduously sticking this on at every weak point. Of which there are many. At last we are in the car and heading for the post-office, where it is weighed. The man behind the desk calculates the cost and unleashes a Sharp Intake of Breath. It is going to cost £31 to send it, more than the contents are worth I imagine. He helpfully suggests I divide the contents into two smaller boxes, which will be much less expensive. I am aghast at thought of Two grappling again, probably for many hours, and so I send it as it is.

Am now watching Countdown in manner of OAPs or rather IMPS all over country. Am becoming increasingly disgusted at clothes worn by new female replacement for Carol Vorderman. Her dresses are extremely tight and cling to her contours eagerly. It must give the old boys out there a thrill, but does seem inappropriate for day-time TV, mainly aimed at older generation. I feel a letter to Channel 4 coming on, or am I joining ranks of Grumpy Old Women?

Must mention have noticed small but perceptible improvement in skin since starting New Regime. Might be wishful thinking of course, but am hopeful that youthful elasticity is starting to make comeback.

Have not asked Two about his constipation recently, but he does lock himself in the loo for quite long periods of time, so can only imagine is still having struggle. Also zoo-like miasma not noticable after his visits, which is usually a good indication.

Bought Little Black Dress in Charity Shop yesterday, which I forgot to mention. Sniffed armpits and decided can get away without washing it, so may wear on Saturday night at pub. Not sure what entertainment is this weekend, must check on board outside. Also have bought snazzy black tights with pattern in attempt to compete with Mrs Mateus Rosy, who is nothing if not inspiring. Quite fancy wearing suspender belt and stockings, but cannot find suspender belt anywhere.

Is nearly time for Glass of White Wine. Two is crouched over laptop studying racing form. I do think he over intellectulises this. For the amount of time he spends on this, I would have thought we should be getting rich off the proceeds when he places a bet. Of course he may be getting rich, I wouldn't necessarily know as is Closed Book to me. As long as we are not losing money. But again, I wouldn't know this either as Two very secretive, which is not best thing in married state.